that's about it

okay......so so much has happened.....  i'm not even gonna tell you...so yeah

This is especially for Joe.. given with smiles!

This is for you Joe! This is part of my portfolio! I don't pretend to be a great artist, and you letting me practice my artistic abilities on your children would be great for me! So even though they probably would look nothing like the original, I would love the practice and the advertisement! haha! But also the free-ness of it all is because I do not feel ready to sell my art, if I am going to be rid of it, I would prefer to give it away then sell it, selling it makes it a "thing" But giving it keeps it as it is. :) So if you are interested let me know! And we will talk reference pictures! :)

This first one is of my current painting, and my first portrait in oil painting! which I LOVE doing! Oil paints are my favorite medium to work in! Though she is most definitely not finished yet!

And this one is very much sideways! lol! But it is a close up.

This one is an oil pastel. Not my favorite piece of art, but I thought I'd trow it in there. haha.

This one is an oil painting of my old old dog... haha! I just woke up at three in the morning once, and started painting it! That is why it isn't totally planed out right, like how there is not enough room for his whole head on there! haha!

This is a sketch I am working on, I haven't worked much in graphite (pencil) much in a while, mostly they are quick sketches, mostly left un finished, though I have done, and love to do in depth studies of the face in graphite.

Here are some more graphite sketches... like I said I have mostly used graphite as a quick way to learn of form and light and dark, i haven't really used it l8ly to actually DO something other then practice stuff! But I'm showing you this so you can get a feel for what my art not only looks like but feels like! I also have another post on here called "some bits of my art" or something along those lines, which has some other small things, but also one of my favorite pieces, one of me and my dad kissing when i was like three, it is in oil p astel, and you'll have to look for it in that post, if you scroll down you should be able to see it! :)

Okay so that was alot of sketches, and I have more art, but I'll put that all up later.... For now that is all I'm willing to sit around and wait for them to load! haha!

Inspired? I think? or not.....

tonight, well the past few days.... well here I'll try to explain........

Do you know that feeling you have, for no particular reason, where you just fill full..... and then sometimes empty?  Like you just feel like you have to run around, and do cart wheels, and climb trees, and climb mountains, and swim oceans, and for me the feeling I get, the first thing that comes to mind is to take a big five gallon bucket of paint, and a BIG brush and have fun with my bedroom walls........ haha!  I feel like almost I have to let myself go!  Just be.  idk, it's a crazy feeling, and the most frustrating part is when it is 10:00 at night, and you have a nice canvas (28x20) and all the brushes and all the paints.........................and then......all your pictures are in black and white!!!!!!!!  you can't express ones wild spirit ready to burst with BLACK AND WHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!  drrrrrrr.........  *sigh*  So i have gotten a nice big unicef book, and am looking for pictures....  ones that are perfect for me, and for my feeling, and the right size........ It is so difficult, ESPECIALLY since I'm not experienced enough to just paint from nothing.... I've tried, and I end up just feeling angry on top of my wild feeling.... haha!  So I wont go there quite yet!  lol!

Any ways......................  So tonight I am feeling wild, I am feeling open, and yet so closed.  I have something that wants to fly out, and it can't quite, because I haven't got the keys to unlock it.  I have the keys, just I don't know how to unlock it, I think I've settled it.......then, it just comes all back!  and I go through the whole thing again..... *sigh*

But I am going to go off and find something to paint, I'm so extremely tired, yet I wont sleep a wink tonight unless I get something out.  just a little bit, at least a small sketch, idk, i'm crazy, but i have to.  I just feel.................. idk, ready to open and pour myslef out, and yet when I try, i can't get it all the way out, and so it stays trapped in me, Is htat what art is?  putting yourself into what you do?  So is life an art?  maybe we are supposed to find how to open ourselves to Heavenly Father, and pour it out in every thing we do............. oh but it is so difficult soem times, if I could paint what was in me, the feelings I feel, the light, the dark, the yellow, the red, if I could put every thing I love into on single painting, i mean the FEELING of every thing I love, into one painting, I would fell a master... has any one done that?  Can we?

I am overflowing, and yet need to be filled.  i don't even understand enough to explain, but that is the best I can say how I feel.that's how I feel. oh, if only I could find how to open myslef, to me.

I was gonna end the post here, but then I remembered a litlte thing I wrote back in 2005  I found it in my journal the other day......

"January begins.  Winter abounds, yet the sun reflects the warmth of God's love.  How unusual for this warm weather, yet it fills you.  you are both asleep, and yet quite awake.  There is excitement.  As if something is near to be happening, Mother earth anxiously awaits something instore for herself, and all the inhabitants therein.  The trees are cold and sleepy, but the world is restless, wakening them too soon, their  expression is of one who retired to bed much too late and is being awakened much sooner than is it's time, they are slow to move on, yet anxious for something they do not yet even know.  My soul is uplifted and filled with longing to take action, yet also like the nature around me, to enjoy the winters sleep too early finished.  Why awaked you nature?!  What has God instore ?!  Oh nature inspire thou mine awakening!"

Haha, from the voice of a fourteen year old..  i remember when I wrote that even........ I was on the front porch swing, and it was so warm outside, and it fit perfect with my feelings, i guess they haven't changed much, perhaps even grown stronger, for better I hope.. maybe I can take charge of them and mold it into something to better myself, and to help others around me..... i hope so!  Inspire thou mine awakening!

Ok, So.... the Holidays!  Yaya!  Every one loves them right?  How could you not!  :)

Last night was the Culpeper ward Christmas party (the ward we were in previously) And so mom let us kids go!!!!!  yay!  It was so much fun 

to see old friends again!  It was nice to just be like the old days! haha!  We ate, we sang 

Christmas songs, the kids sat on "santa's" lap, and there were a couple of "musical" numbers!:)Church parties are so cool! haha! Well then after the party we invited Aaron, Kelsey, Nick Jake, Brianne, Stefan, Ryan and Jared over!  :)  It was a blast!  We watched Prince Caspian, and drank Glogg!  :) (glogg is a Swedish drink). 

/On the way up here, I called my mom t come pick us up....  But instead my dad came in his little corolla! haha!And we were driving Aaron, Kelsey, Jared, Ryan, Dad, me, Clarissa, Sheridan and Luc... And if I counted right (you know us home schoolers have trouble with that some times.....haha jk) that means we had NINE people in our car..... yup we had six in the back and three in the front! lol! we had Clarissa Sheridan and Luc sit on peoples laps in the ba

ck, and then Jared and Ryan shared a seat in the front!!!  haha!  It was so crazy!  And so NOISY!  lol!  :) we were having such a great time!

Zach and 

Meghan (his GF) Went with a few friends to go see the 

Washington DC temple lights last night, and the two of them dropped in the house around two thirty this morning! haha! An hour after all 

my friends left!  They all wanted to see him so bad!  lol!  They all know him pretty well, we helped with BS (haha Boys s

couts! lol!) And he also just made a point of being nice to all the "little 

kids"  that were my age, so they all know him, and stuff, so they just barely missed him! lol!  And then Meghan and him left his morning, just like half an hour ago (it is 8:15 am)....  But it was nice to see them any ways! <3

Jocelyn will be coming home for Christmas on the 21st!  yay!  I can

't wait, and Zach will also be here By the 19th or 20th!  :)  We'll have every one together for Christmas!!!!  the first time in two years!  I will be so awesome!  <3>

This year is different for me, as it always is every year, I always seam to get more understanding of Christmas, or to feel more a part of it.... My sentiments this year have already been expressed by kermit the Frog, you can't say it any better... 

"There's magic in the air this evening,

magic in the air

the world is at it's best you know

when people love and care

the promise of excitement is one the night will keep

after all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

The world has got a smile today

the world has got a glow

there's no such thing as strangers

when a stranger says "hello"

and every one is family, we're having so much fun

after all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

'Tis the season to be jolly and joyous

with a burst of pleasure we feel it arrive

It's a season when the saints can employ us,

to spread the new about peace and to keep love alive!

There's something in the wind today that's good for everyone.

Yes faith is in our hearts today, we're shinin' like the sun!

And every one can feel it!  The feelings running deep.

After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas!"

Cali

DUDE!!!!!! I'm in CALIFORNIA!!! freakin' awesome! I am so happy to be here with my awesome cousins! They are super! I love being here, I'll have to get lots of pictures, and post 'em when i get back home! i am enjoying every minute of it! :)

YOOHOOHOO!

Hey guess what I just realized!  haha!  My birthday is in eleven days!!!!!!!  yay!  I'll be seventeen!  sweet!  I still can't drive though.  So we'll have to work on that one! haha!

I hope ya'll had a very happy hallow's eve!  I had an awesome time!  I forgot the camera though.....so you'll have to check out my pix that my friends will tag me in on facebook! haha!  So I don't have any pix yet.. I'll try to post them when I get some.  :)

Me and Kicka went to My good friends party (Bonnie)  That was alot of fun!  It was a super hero party!  lol!  Kicka was CatWoman, and I was elistigirl!  haha!  It was so much fun to see all my old friends from Culpeper again.  It was so much fun!  And I got to meet Bonnie's friends from school.  Which was way cool!  I need to see you culpeper people more!!!!  I almost forgot how much I perfectly fit in with them'all.  haha.  They are good kids aren't you?  <3

But yeah, mom and dad, did the hand at our new ward's trunk or treat.  You know how we do the whole treasure box where dad sticks his hand out and gives kids candy!  yeah.....  haha.  So they did that with the kids.  Sheridan was Alice in Wonderland, and Luc was a pirate! haha!  They said they all had fun!  It is funny how little kids get so excited about this stuff.  it kinda reminded me to be more that way, to let life excite me! haha.  I love my life, and my family!

well I hope ya'll had a great day yesterday!  <3>