that's about it

okay......so so much has happened.....  i'm not even gonna tell you...so yeah

This is especially for Joe.. given with smiles!

This is for you Joe! This is part of my portfolio! I don't pretend to be a great artist, and you letting me practice my artistic abilities on your children would be great for me! So even though they probably would look nothing like the original, I would love the practice and the advertisement! haha! But also the free-ness of it all is because I do not feel ready to sell my art, if I am going to be rid of it, I would prefer to give it away then sell it, selling it makes it a "thing" But giving it keeps it as it is. :) So if you are interested let me know! And we will talk reference pictures! :)

This first one is of my current painting, and my first portrait in oil painting! which I LOVE doing! Oil paints are my favorite medium to work in! Though she is most definitely not finished yet!

And this one is very much sideways! lol! But it is a close up.

This one is an oil pastel. Not my favorite piece of art, but I thought I'd trow it in there. haha.

This one is an oil painting of my old old dog... haha! I just woke up at three in the morning once, and started painting it! That is why it isn't totally planed out right, like how there is not enough room for his whole head on there! haha!

This is a sketch I am working on, I haven't worked much in graphite (pencil) much in a while, mostly they are quick sketches, mostly left un finished, though I have done, and love to do in depth studies of the face in graphite.

Here are some more graphite sketches... like I said I have mostly used graphite as a quick way to learn of form and light and dark, i haven't really used it l8ly to actually DO something other then practice stuff! But I'm showing you this so you can get a feel for what my art not only looks like but feels like! I also have another post on here called "some bits of my art" or something along those lines, which has some other small things, but also one of my favorite pieces, one of me and my dad kissing when i was like three, it is in oil p astel, and you'll have to look for it in that post, if you scroll down you should be able to see it! :)

Okay so that was alot of sketches, and I have more art, but I'll put that all up later.... For now that is all I'm willing to sit around and wait for them to load! haha!

Inspired? I think? or not.....

tonight, well the past few days.... well here I'll try to explain........

Do you know that feeling you have, for no particular reason, where you just fill full..... and then sometimes empty?  Like you just feel like you have to run around, and do cart wheels, and climb trees, and climb mountains, and swim oceans, and for me the feeling I get, the first thing that comes to mind is to take a big five gallon bucket of paint, and a BIG brush and have fun with my bedroom walls........ haha!  I feel like almost I have to let myself go!  Just be.  idk, it's a crazy feeling, and the most frustrating part is when it is 10:00 at night, and you have a nice canvas (28x20) and all the brushes and all the paints.........................and then......all your pictures are in black and white!!!!!!!!  you can't express ones wild spirit ready to burst with BLACK AND WHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!  drrrrrrr.........  *sigh*  So i have gotten a nice big unicef book, and am looking for pictures....  ones that are perfect for me, and for my feeling, and the right size........ It is so difficult, ESPECIALLY since I'm not experienced enough to just paint from nothing.... I've tried, and I end up just feeling angry on top of my wild feeling.... haha!  So I wont go there quite yet!  lol!

Any ways......................  So tonight I am feeling wild, I am feeling open, and yet so closed.  I have something that wants to fly out, and it can't quite, because I haven't got the keys to unlock it.  I have the keys, just I don't know how to unlock it, I think I've settled it.......then, it just comes all back!  and I go through the whole thing again..... *sigh*

But I am going to go off and find something to paint, I'm so extremely tired, yet I wont sleep a wink tonight unless I get something out.  just a little bit, at least a small sketch, idk, i'm crazy, but i have to.  I just feel.................. idk, ready to open and pour myslef out, and yet when I try, i can't get it all the way out, and so it stays trapped in me, Is htat what art is?  putting yourself into what you do?  So is life an art?  maybe we are supposed to find how to open ourselves to Heavenly Father, and pour it out in every thing we do............. oh but it is so difficult soem times, if I could paint what was in me, the feelings I feel, the light, the dark, the yellow, the red, if I could put every thing I love into on single painting, i mean the FEELING of every thing I love, into one painting, I would fell a master... has any one done that?  Can we?

I am overflowing, and yet need to be filled.  i don't even understand enough to explain, but that is the best I can say how I feel.that's how I feel. oh, if only I could find how to open myslef, to me.

I was gonna end the post here, but then I remembered a litlte thing I wrote back in 2005  I found it in my journal the other day......

"January begins.  Winter abounds, yet the sun reflects the warmth of God's love.  How unusual for this warm weather, yet it fills you.  you are both asleep, and yet quite awake.  There is excitement.  As if something is near to be happening, Mother earth anxiously awaits something instore for herself, and all the inhabitants therein.  The trees are cold and sleepy, but the world is restless, wakening them too soon, their  expression is of one who retired to bed much too late and is being awakened much sooner than is it's time, they are slow to move on, yet anxious for something they do not yet even know.  My soul is uplifted and filled with longing to take action, yet also like the nature around me, to enjoy the winters sleep too early finished.  Why awaked you nature?!  What has God instore ?!  Oh nature inspire thou mine awakening!"

Haha, from the voice of a fourteen year old..  i remember when I wrote that even........ I was on the front porch swing, and it was so warm outside, and it fit perfect with my feelings, i guess they haven't changed much, perhaps even grown stronger, for better I hope.. maybe I can take charge of them and mold it into something to better myself, and to help others around me..... i hope so!  Inspire thou mine awakening!